Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
