Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
