im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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