i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
