You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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