Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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