You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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