we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
