Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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