She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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