I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
