Need sex. Gaining weight.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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