Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
