look no pants
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
