I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fill condoms, not promises.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
