You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
