Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
