Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
