I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
A bitchslap is in order.
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