Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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