he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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