I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
