Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
