god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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