That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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