Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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