"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
