Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
