oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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