my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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