this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize