she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
