The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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