I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think my moral compass just broke
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