I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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