ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
