yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
