Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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