You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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