dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
