i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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