so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
