He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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