if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
