There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
