He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
