wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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