I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
