and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
