She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
