So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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