Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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