it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
