Non-Jews are for practice
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
