Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
