My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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