When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
