I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
