honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
