Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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