I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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