Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
