I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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