i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
