sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
